a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
