I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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