I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
