holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
