This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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