I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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