the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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