what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
