Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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