AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize