bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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