Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
