I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
