just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
