I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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