you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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