i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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