Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
