he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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