I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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