Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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