The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
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the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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