K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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