Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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