Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
