ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize