You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
