Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
