I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Welp...herpes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
