I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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