i just sent this text using only my big toe
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
NoShamevember. You game?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
