Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
