so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
