Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
