I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
