My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
