You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
