Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize