Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We smell like vodka and hangover
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