It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
