At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
