Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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