you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
