Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
