Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
