I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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