she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
