Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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