I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
