if only i could text you this smell
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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