Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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