So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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