I can tuck mytits in my pants
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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