we're chasing vodka with high fives
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
