38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
