I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
