After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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