she woke up with a sticky ear
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
