I think i peed on brittanys purse
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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