Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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