he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
