i think my mom watched the whole time
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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