There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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